There are challenges in a marriage that must be exposed and dealt with!
The contrast between Genesis 2 and Genesis 3 gives us a remarkably clear picture of what happens to marriage when self-centeredness enters the relationship.
Before the fall: “Us”
Genesis 2:24–25 describes Adam and Eve:
“They shall be one flesh… And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”
There was openness, trust, vulnerability, and unity. Neither needed to protect himself from the other. There was no competition, manipulation, suspicion, blame, or fear.
The marriage is summarized in Genesis 2 as:
God → husband + wife → one flesh
Their relationship was centered upon God and characterized by unity.
Then sin introduces “self”
After Adam and Eve disobey God, something changes immediately:
“And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked…”
— Genesis 3:7
Before sin, they were naked and “not ashamed.” After sin, they cover themselves.
That physical covering represents something deeper: self-consciousness and self-protection have entered human relationships. Instead of complete openness, the instinct becomes: Protect myself.
Then God approaches them. Adam says: “I was afraid… and I hid myself.”
— Genesis 3:10
Notice the progression:
Sin → shame → fear → hiding.
These same forces can operate in marriage today.
Then comes blame
God asks Adam whether he ate from the forbidden tree. Adam responds:
“The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.” — Genesis 3:12
This is noteworthy because only a few verses earlier Adam had joyfully declared:
“This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.” — Genesis 2:23
Before the fall: “She is part of me.”
After the fall: “The woman You gave me caused my problem.”
Adam moves from identification with his wife to accusation of his wife.
And he indirectly blames God: “whom Thou gavest…”
Eve then says: “The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.” — Genesis 3:13
The pattern of fallen human nature appears:
Protect myself → shift responsibility → blame someone else.
This pattern still destroys marriages
Imagine an argument between husband and wife.
The original issue may actually be relatively small. But then self-protection begins:
“You always…”
“You never…”
“I wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t…”
“This is your fault.”
Now the goal has changed. The goal is no longer restoring the relationship.
The goal becomes proving that I am right. And once winning becomes more important than reconciliation, the “one flesh” relationship begins functioning like two opposing sides.
The real question changes: Self-centeredness asks: “Who is right?”
Christlike love asks: “How do we make this right?”
That is a major difference.
A person can actually be correct about the issue and still damage the marriage through pride, contempt, harshness, or refusal to forgive.
Wisdom wrote in Proverbs chapter 13:
10
Wisdom opens your heart to receive wise counsel, but pride closes your ears to advice and gives birth only to quarrels and strife.
Pride says:
I must win.
I must be respected.
I must get my way.
I shouldn’t have to apologize.
They need to change first.
Humility says:
What did I contribute to this?
Where was I wrong?
What does my spouse need from me?
What would honor Christ?
What can I do to restore unity?
Jesus reverses the Genesis 3 pattern and this is where the Gospel becomes very practical for marriage.
Fallen human nature says: Protect yourself.
Jesus says: Give yourself.
Fallen nature says: Blame the other person.
Jesus teaches: Examine yourself first.
Fallen nature says: Demand what you’re owed.
Jesus teaches: Serve.
Fallen nature says: Make them pay.
Jesus teaches: Forgive
.
That is why Ephesians 5:25 says:
“Husbands, Love your wives, even as Christ also Loved the church, and gave Himself for it.”
The opposite of self-centeredness isn’t becoming weak or allowing mistreatment. It is self-giving Love governed by Truth.
The deepest problem may be the “throne”. We can think of the human heart as having a throne.
When SELF occupies that throne, marriage becomes: “How well are you meeting my needs?” When CHRIST occupies that throne, the question increasingly becomes: “How can I Love you in a way that honors Christ?” And if both husband and wife live from that perspective, something powerful happens.
Instead of:
ME vs. YOU
the relationship becomes:
CHRIST
↓
HUSBAND ↔ WIFE
↓
ONE FLESH
That is much closer to the picture in Genesis 2.
One of the great spiritual battles within marriage is described this way:
Genesis 2 says “one flesh.”
Genesis 3 says “protect yourself.”
Christ says “deny yourself, Love, serve, forgive, and become one again.”
This is also why forgiveness is essential to a lasting marriage. Two imperfect people cannot live closely together for decades without hurting each other. Without forgiveness, yesterday’s injuries accumulate into tomorrow’s resentment; with repentance and forgiveness, unity can repeatedly be restored.
Don’t be deceived by the adversary who wants to destroy the unity found in marriage!